Past is a cancelled cheque, future is promissory note.

This analogy suggest that the past is like a cancelled cheque, which has already been paid and cannot be changed. Similarly, events that have already happened in our lives cannot be altered and we must learn to accept and move on from them. 

On the other hand,future is like a promissory note, which represents a promise to pay a certain amount at a later date. This suggest that the past cannot be altered or undone. On the other hand the future is compared to a promissory note, which is a written promise to pay a specified amount of money or positive results at a later date. It implies that future is not  fixed and can be shaped by the actions and decisions we make today. 

Just like a promissory note, can be altered or cancelled if the terms of agreement change, our

future also can be influenced by the choice we make along the way. Thus, this analogy emphasizes the importance of being proactive and taking responsibility for our actions in the present to shape our future. 

Therefore, it's important to focus to live in the pesent and make most out of it. The present moment is the the only thing that we can control over and make a difference in. We can use the present to learn from past experience and make better decisions for the future. By living in the present moment, we can prioritize our actions and make the most of our time. So, it is important to focus on the present and make the most out of it. 

Completing PhD against all odds.

 My journey in completing my PhD was not an easy one. I come from a troubled background, with an abusive alcoholic father. Despite this I was determined to succeed academically no matter how long it takes.I had an ambition to be a medical Doctor since childhood but never materialized. 

I found refuge in my work and studies foremost and worked tirelessly to excell in my field of study. However the challenges were not limited just on my personal life but also compromised health condition towards the end of my PhD program that I almost gave up. 

Upon completing my Diploma in Electrical & Electronics Engineering with First Class Diploma,  I failed to enroll to number of universities in UK and Australia not due to my results but could not afford the fees. I started my job career in Singapore and pursue part time degree education. However, after a few years, I forced to terminate my studies due to financial constraints.  I tried few universities in similar manner, and that too ended in failure due to inability to pay up university fees. 

After seven years in Singapore,  I decided to come back to Malaysia for good. Nevertheless, my desire to complete my higher education doesn't end. I continued pursue MBA program while employed as Quality Manager. Sacrificed weekends on academic coursework, classic music lessons in Singapore.

Managed to complete my MBA in 3 years while taking care two manufacturing plant. It indeed took a tool on my health condition. I had to quit job to regain my health back on track. I went to my sister's house in Melaka and managed to enrol on a PhD program for 5 years. Luck was in my side. I secured a government grant. 

Trauma from past experience indeed haunted me while pursuing my PhD. Luckily I had few wonderful peers who kept my spirit high at all times. Finally after years of hard work and determination I submitted my thesis. Passed my VIVA at one go. Despite the many challenges and setbacks, I made it and finally graduated with a doctoral degree in management in 2022.

Most satisfying experience in my life.

Finishing my PhD is one of the most rewarding experience of my academic career.It involved years of hard work, dedication, and perseverance, but ultimately, the feeling of accomplishment and the sense of pride that comes with the earning my doctoral degree made it all worth it.

Throughout the journey, I faced many challenges, including the stress of conducting research, the pressure to meet the dateline, the accosional doubt about ability to complete it, it's all worth it. 

Throughout my journey, I conducted extensive research, tedious surveys throughout peninsular Malaysia. The culmination of my efforts was the comprehensive dissertation that I defended successfully in front of esteemed expert panel members from few universities.

The sense of accomplishment I felt upon completing my PhD was indescribable. It was an honor to join the rank of other PhD holders and contribute to the pool of knowledge in my field of study. Over ,finishing PhD is a transformative experience. Nevertheless, this is just a beginning stage..education never ends! 

Life titbits.

 

Tribute to Mr & Mrs Krishnan

 

Why people don't see the good things done to them!

 This is a common human tendency to focus on what others have not done for us rather than appreciating what they have already done.We often take things for granted and tend to overlook the efforts and kindness of others. This can lead to sense of entitlement where we expect people to do things for us without showing any gratitude or reciprocation. 

It's important to cultivate a sense of  gratitude and for granted and forget the efforts and sacrifices that people have made for us. We tend to overlook the small act of kindness and love people have shown us and instead, we give more importance to their short comings and failures.

It's important to realize that no one is perfect and everyone has their limitation and faults. However this shouldn't give us a reason to disregard the positive things that someone has done for us. ,no matter how small it may seem.

Instead of focusing on negative aspects of others, we should try to have a more positive outlook and appreciate the efforts of those around us. This will not only bring more positivity into our lives but also strengthen our relationships with others. 

Whirlwind Romance & implications

This is food for thought  for youngsters & olders alike...

Can A Whirlwind Romance Ever Go The Distance…?

The stages of a relationship can go like this: You meet. You form an instant attachment. You fall in love. You decide you can’t live without each other. You make a firm commitment to live together or any mutually agreed terms.

For couples swept up in a whirlwind romance, those stages can happen within weeks or months. Partners declare their love to the world very quickly, and then sprint down the aisle towards a life of wedded bliss. Except it doesn’t always last a lifetime, as shown by the recently reported split between Cheryl and Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini – who married after knowing each other for a matter of months, and separated after 18 months of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences. So, can a whirlwind romance ever last? Can love at first sight lead to happy ever after?

Understanding the stages of relationships can give some insight into where you are in your partnership, and what to do if cracks start to show.

The romance stage of a relationship

The romance stage, at the very beginning, is exciting and intoxicating. You’ll want to spend all your time with your new partner, forging ever-closer physical and emotional bonds, ignoring any faults, and generally feeling flushed with love. You’ll begin to say ‘we’ instead of ‘I’, as you begin to hope and feel the other person meets all your needs. There may be a sense of wanting to ‘merge’ as one. The attachment patterns you formed as a child (generally, a need for closeness/intimacy, or a need for separation/autonomy) may play out in this new romantic relationship. But you may not be aware of those patterns just yet. Not while you’re busy looking adoringly into each other’s eyes.

The disillusionment stage of a relationship

When the romance stage starts to dissipate, the seemingly strong foundations to the relationship can start to crumble. Disillusionment can kick in as you realise your other half isn’t quite so perfect. Maybe you don’t laugh at the same things any more. Perhaps your partner’s cute little quirks start to become annoying. You may start to fear that your partner can’t meet all your needs after all. You might want to spend more time with your friends again, needing some time apart from your relationship. Or you may worry that your partner doesn’t love you enough and you start to become clingy.

The ‘power struggle’ stage of a relationship

It’s often the need for intimacy (together time) versus the need for autonomy (alone time) where the power struggle in a relationship can start. One partner’s attachment style means he or she needs to be close to feel OK. The other partner may need more time alone to feel OK. You may have projected the idea of your perfect partner onto your real partner, and the real person may not be able to live up to that ideal. Often, this ‘power struggle’ stage sees the playing out of childhood wounds and needs that were never met by early caregivers.

It can be disappointing and distressing when the honeymoon period is over and disillusionment sets in. The power struggle can leave one person resentful and suffocated, and the other person feeling lonely and abandoned. For some couples, it’s too much and they abandon ship before ever reaching shore. For others, it can be a time to take stock and talk to each other to negotiate where things go next. If you’re the partner needing autonomy, it may be time to take a step towards intimacy and arranging to spend more time together as a couple. If you’re the partner needing intimacy, it may be time to allow the other person some breathing space. In other words, it may be about putting your own needs to one side in order to understand what the other person wants from the relationship. It may involve acknowledging that you are both different, and find ways to manage the inevitable conflicts that will arise.

How couples counselling can help a relationship in crisis

It can take at least two years for an intimate relationship to become established. The expectations of a whirlwind romance may not last. It may be difficult to come to terms with the romance stage being over, but that doesn’t mean you have to let your relationship drown in the disillusionment stage. However, if you find yourself tempted to throw in the towel, it sounds as though you could benefit from seeing a couples counsellor.

Couples counselling can offer a life raft to a relationship that seems to be sinking, and help you negotiate the power struggle stage. A couples counsellor can facilitate the process of helping you both get to know one another on a deeper, truer level – now that the ‘ideal’ mask of the romance stage has slipped, it could be time to reveal the real you. Couples counselling can help you understand your differences and your similarities – so, for example, you can feel more sympathetic when your partner needs more alone time and you need more together time. You can come up with an agreed plan so you both feel loved and supported, without resentment creeping in because you don’t feel your needs are being met. It’s about working as a team, agreeing what works for both of you, rather than taking up rival corners in the ring and scoring points off each other.

Couples counselling, crucially, can help you with communication issues. Learning tips and techniques to communicate with each other warmly and effectively –rather than escalating into argument – can go a long way to building stronger foundations for your future together. At the heart of any successful relationship is the bond of emotional trust between you. Couples counselling can help you navigate the waters of trust and mistrust, to agree a framework that helps you both feel secure and also free to be yourselves within your partnership.

Support is out there, so don’t let the power struggle stage eclipse what’s good about your relationship. Couples counselling can not only help you through this difficult phase, but the process can help you remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place.